do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
