8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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