There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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