I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They have beer where we have blood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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