She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
