Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want to be your penis for a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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