She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
a search helicopter?!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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