How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
