If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Found the puke drawer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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