Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
