I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
