You're a womanizer and a bitch.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
