i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
