the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
