Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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