Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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