I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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