What did we do last night that was yellow?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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