dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
