Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
