i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
