remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
