We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
