apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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