You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
