I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
