Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
