The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
