you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
