i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
