i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
