i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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