Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
