Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
