$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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