3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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