I think my fart just growled at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
