the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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