Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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