why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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