New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
