Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
