What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
