I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
