What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
