I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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