Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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