I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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