he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
