she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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