You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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