Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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