Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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