Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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