I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
