If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
