if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
