Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
True strength comes from lack of pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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