So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
