So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
