Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
