apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
