I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
