see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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