her vagine was all disorganized.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
