she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
