I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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