dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
