Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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