the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
