Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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