I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
