I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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