I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
