Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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