the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
