i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
