A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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