Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
