a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
